A PERSPECTIVE ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS!

The World Wide Web has developed such a bad reputation and unwholesome notoriety for bringing out the worst in human beings, and, as constituting a den of iniquity that I feel constrained to reproduce the following electronic dialogue between my poor self and someone whom I have never met, and in all probability whom I will never meet face to face -to emphasize that amidst all the mendacity and prurience there is virtue and inestimable value in the utilization of this means of communication.

I have edited these messages to protect the privacy of those involved in the this dialogue but the truncated version indicates all that is best and valuable about the contact between strangers who relate to each other while retaining their anonymity, like ships that pass each other in the dead of this modern night.

------ Original note ------

I think we are all looking for true love, but does it really exist? I'm still looking too. Don't believe I have found true love (except of course the love of children and grandchildren, they have to love us). Even though I've been married and almost married, in the end was it "true love"? Apparently not.

My Reply

For a long time I was promiscuous, and, even while married I had to watch what I said so that I would not give myself away.Also, I had to find justifications for being unfaithful so I magnified the faults of my significant others.Belatedly, I stopped doing that and became capable of being faithful and so could focus completely on another human being; and, found that I had developed a capacity for love.

Ironically, she was someone who was herself immature and promiscuous; and, she trod heavily on the pearls of my love and ground them into the dust of existence.But I wonder how wonderful it would be if I could find someone who could focus on me, someone who had developed the capacity for love that I had attained so late in life; and, this is the dream of love that I seek.

I need a witness to my life, and, my quest may be futile but I will accept nothing less.

Her Rejoinder

I hit a wrong key, not sure if the note I was writing went anywhere. let's see, I was saying that maybe humans are not naturally selected to be monogamous. That monogamy isn't the aim in life. I'm sure for a lot of people that's what they have found and that's what they want and there isn't even a question of anything different. But that leaves a big % of the rest of us. So, what has changed your outlook on this?

My Reply

I want to strike a difference between choosing monogamy and the sexual mores we have been conditioned to.

I believe that sex is an innate drive with the same properties as food deprivation, and, that human beings should be free to satisfy this drive.

No husband, or wife, for that matter, would be angry and consider ending the union - if their partner patronized a new restaurant, as they currently would if that partner choose to have sex with someone new.

I believe that traditionally human beings have been conditioned to the notion that the other in a social relationship, for example, marriage; is a chattel, that they can be owned in the same way that land, or a car, is owned.

That perspective has nothing whatsoever to do with the dream of love I thus far futilely posit, I cannot be owned neither would I seek to own anyone.

I choose monogamy to realize with another human being the most civilized relationship that results from the practice of the discipline of truth and the commitment to using only positive reinforcements in my relations with other human beings.

It embodies the deepest respect for the personal autonomy of the other.

When I developed the capacity to be faithful, when I developed a capacity for intimacy without artifice or deceit, I became able to appreciate and experience the personality of my significant other in all its glorious intricacies and complexities, and that journey of discovery was fulfilling and satisfying to the point where I did not need anything else.

We showered together almost every day, we sometimes ate out the same plate, not because we were obligated to in any way; but because that was how close we were.

The relationship was not a burden but emancipated me and completely satisfied me.

I wish you to be aware, that I have sought freedom all my life and now I revel in the attainment of that goal as much as it can be realized in the existing social milieu; and, know that the essence of that freedom is that I want it, and cherish it, for all living creatures, sentient or non sentient.